Waiting not…

Ever have words jump off a page, or leap out of a song, and stop you mid-thought. Words that could cut through logical reasoning, self-justification or momentary chaos and imprint deeply enough on your brain or your heart to actually generate change?

One day, I was driving with an old hymn CD playing, quite literally as background noise, and I found myself completely drawn into the song “Just As I Am” – the second verse knocked me right over the head with truth. Charlotte Elliott wrote the words “Just as I am, and waiting not, to rid my soul of one dark blot. To thee whose blood can cleanse each spot. Oh Lamb of God, I come, I come.”

Immediately, it hit me, that God actually, honestly and truly, was wanting me exactly as I am today, like literally¬†right now¬†– to come to Him, to live for Him, to do stuff for Him – now… not later. I am always feeling stressed or guilty over what isn’t done in my life or what isn’t how I’d like it to be… And, as a busy mom and a bit of a scattered thinker, there are ALWAYS things that aren’t done, and there are always things I want to do differently, do better, or change completely.

If I wait until I have myself together, my to do list is completely under control, my month’s meals fully planned, my house exactly how I want it to be, my laundry done, or my car fully paid off and my finances completely under control to actually start doing the things I think God is calling me to do, I will wait so long that I’ve missed it! And that, will be sad.

So, my new plan… is to be completely ready and content just as I am… Stressed, frazzled, weary, worn or whatever. To quote Popeye – “I am what I am and that’s all that I am!” I want to own that, be content with that, and not buy into the desire to wait to come, fully to the table, until I clean up all my own dark blots. Its definitely high time to start waiting not!


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